Stephanie Allen

What Grows in Human Nature Can…

2020

Sleep. Never restful. Don’t wake up in the morning looking forward to the day. Sometimes lie in bed... Breathe, consciously, meditatively Transform anxiety into wakefulness and presence. Dreams are clogged with my to-do lists, my didn’t-do lists. Dreams of concrete and transportation, missing wallet, passport, cell phone, car. Late for flights. Airports. Train stations. City streets go every which way. Crowded rooms and avenues. Strangers I know. Intimates I don’t. A game to match moments in the dream to actual events of my waking life. Waking life.
Waking a verb rather than adjective. I’ve wrestled with this project. Procrastinated about this project. Resented this project. Felt this project a waste of time.
Who gives a flying fuck about dreams
when innocent Black folks get murdered
by police
while sleeping in their own beds,
wanting to —deserving to—
have their own dreams.
What can this possibly do to transform that?
Here I am, doing it anyway.